It is hard.
My mother and I have not spoken for more than 7 days.
I am 44 years old and you would think I no longer need her but I do. I hate this silence and not understanding why it makes it harder.
All I know is that she was supposed to meet us for dinner in Daytona Beach, FL and didn’t.
She canceled the same day, with a text, with no explanation.
I have since tried to talk with her but she always either does not pick up the phone or tells me that she is OK and will call me back but never does.
Something to understand is that growing up I was more the mother than the child. She was orphaned at 5 years old and had a tough childhood. She got pregnant with me at 17 years old and got married to my father thereafter.
The marriage lasted 2 years and she got together with another man that fathered 2 more children.
This other man beat her in front of us.
While my siblings do not remember any of this, I still remember.
My mom did not always made the best decisions but I was always there to help her in any way I could.
She kept choosing bad partners up until the last one; which is not as terrible as the others but still has many faults that makes me weary of him.
But she is an adult, and so am I and if there is one thing I have learned through my life is to let people be.
Letting go of fixing problems has been rough but also has allowed me to live my life and raise my own family.
But it’s still hard to not speak with my mother – without any idea why.
I do hope she comes around and shares with me what the hell is going on because it is driving me insane!
Until next post